Sarcastic Rant

sarcasm-pic

Here are my sarcastic questions for the day:

Why are the children in Walmart crying? Seriously. Every time I see babies crying… and there seem to be a higher percentage of them doing so in Walmart than any other place in the universe I’ve visited… I want to go up and talk to the baby. I want to say, “Baby? Why are you crying?” I watch the wailing child. Normally, they are being denied more time in the play area. They are being made to put a coat on. They are not being given the big box of Fruit Loops. And sometimes they seem to just be straggling along behind their parents and squalling. I want to go up to every one of these children and say, “Babies! Stop crying! This is the easiest time you will ever experience in your life! You are fed, clothed, tucked into bed at night, given toys, and played with. No one expects anything of you. You have no schedule to keep. No work to do. You don’t even have to make it to the bathroom on time. Just crap in your pants and someone will remove it and replace the diaper with a fresh one and lotion and powder. Yes. An adult will make sure your tushy is soft and smells lovely! Just lay there. Seriously. WHY ARE YOU CRYING!!!??? You don’t even have to pay for the mess you made in aisle three. (Disclaimer… of course, some babies have a good reason. I’m talking about the average child who cries just like all of us did when we were little and had no idea how good we had it!)

kitty in the box_2Next question: Why do we have to tell people not to mail live animals? I mailed a package recently and went to the US Postal service website to create a mailing label. Somewhere on the page, it had a caution: Please do not mail live animals. I don’t like living in a world where we have to tell people this. I don’t want to have this thought of a baby kitten in a box being shipped across the country. I don’t want to think about the idiot who is stupid enough to do that, either. I think the moron who puts a kitten in a box to ship across the country should get in a bathtub and blow dry their hair. I’m not even worried they might read the tag on the blow dryer, cautioning them not to do so. I highly doubt they can read or care about such rules because I would assume they’re running around sticking forks in toasters.

Last question. What are the ingredients in shampoo, anyway? I stand in the shampoo aisle and try to figure outshampoo-carcinogen-537x363 which kind to purchase. Quite the task. How in the world do we make these decisions? Luckily we have advertising assisting us in our confusion. It’s Herbal. It contains Jojoba! Biotin, Vitamin B7, Tea Tree Oil, it’s Organic, has Collagen and Weightless hydration coconut water!!! Moroccan Argan Creme!!  Honestly. I did not know I needed these things. I also don’t know what they are!! When I read these ads, it seems to me they are telling me I am supposed to know what these things are. Oh, yes… of course… Argan Creme. I know what that is! What, you think I’m ignorant?! I’m a woman who shampoos her hair. Of course I know what Argan Creme is. Jojoba? Sure! Biotin? Of course! I wouldn’t dream of using a shampoo without Weightless hydration coconut water. What—you take me for some kind of fool?

There. I feel a little better. Thank you for enduring my rant. Now I’m going to go somewhere and grumble about mosquitoes and flies.

24 thoughts on “Sarcastic Rant

  1. Lucy Adkins says:

    Gina, Just back from traveling and love this post. Hilarious–and we all need to rant a bit. I especially liked what you said about not wanting to live in a world in which we have to be told not to ship animals thru the mail. Wow!

  2. Hilarious post. I have to say that I have received packages of newly hatched chicks and even honey bees on several occasions. All healthy. But if they weren’t in the an appropriately labelled box, they would never have a chance of surviving the journey.

    • ginabarlean@gmail.com says:

      I wonder if when a company ships chicks or bees, they have overnight shipping and like you said, special boxes so they can breath and aren’t tossed around. I’m squeamish about this stuff! I can’t even look at a cattle or horse trailer without cringing. I can’t stand to look at animals outside in the snowy dead of winter. I’ve been assured they are created to be able to tolerate it, and I know there are thousands of wild animals who survive or don’t… all part of the way the world works. You should see the heated huts we have for our stinking outdoor cats! But it helps me sleep at night.

      • You are right. They are sent overnight in special containers. My husband has driven to main post offices in the middle of the night to rescue a little brood from the transport process. It’s always better to get them in person if possible. There is a wonderful nursery with great people in Columbus, NE: http://columbusfeedpoultrypet.com/

        • ginabarlean@gmail.com says:

          The Columbus Hatchery. Been there. I think we used to buy our chicks there, once upon a time when we raised chicken. I miss chickens!!!

      • Robert says:

        “you should see… our OUTDOOR cats!”–What?!!! Are you kidding me? You leave your cats outdoors? Do you leave your children outdoors, too? Did you make them change their own diapers when they were babies? My God, woman!…May the fleas of a thousand stray cats infest your armpits and other hairy–or not–nether regions of your body!

  3. This was such a funny post! 😀

    I have four children, and I feel awful whenever my children cry in the store. Sometimes it’s because I say no to something they want to buy, but most of the time it’s because a brother bumped into another one and the brother thought the other brother did it on purpose so he hits him. It’s crazy. I’ve learned to tune them out, but I know they’re bothering other people, and that’s the part that stresses me out.

    Sometimes my deaf kid will get loud in the store, and I get quite a few, “Can’t you shut him up?” or “That kid is loud” comments. I try to explain he’s deaf, but these people turn to him and start telling him he should be quiet in a public place (as if he can hear what they’re saying). So I explain he doesn’t read lips, and they keep talking to him. Good heavens. At the time, it’s frustrating, but when I think about it, it makes me laugh.

    As for shipping live animals, I LOVE your picture. I had to show it to my kids. They got a real kick out of it. But I didn’t think people actually did that.

    A quick rant on my end would be a woman who put her RV on cruise then went into the bedroom to sleep. The RV crashed. She sued the RV company because it “didn’t work like it was supposed to, and she won. Unbelievable.

    • ginabarlean@gmail.com says:

      Oh good heavens! Cruise confused for auto-pilot! I remember when I was a mom with little ones feeling like my parenting was being judged in the grocery store. I think at my age, I can tell when a parent is dropping the ball. Most of the time, kids are just kids. I find it so funny. Boy, won’t they be shocked when they grow up and have to work for a living and pay bills! They’ll be all, “Dang, life was easy then!”

  4. I ran across a mother in WalMart that I had to write about. That was a while back, but she really impressed me because her little boy was screaming when I entered the store and she was still screaming when I waited in line with her 20 minutes later to check out. The child hadn’t paused that whole time and I said something about how mine had done something like that, too. She smiled, a little wearily I think, and said, if I can keep him here in the cart, I can make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.
    When I got to my car, it turned out she was parked right across from me (nose to nose) and the kid was still screaming — just to make sure everyone in the parking lot, as well as the store, knew he had a mean mom.
    I don’t know what reserves Mom drew on to keep her cool, but I never once heard her raise her voice or saw her treat the little boy roughly.
    Impressive!!

    RE: shampoo. We had an exchange student from Germany once who remarked about how many varieties of toilet paper we have. He couldn’t understand the need for so much variety.
    The best money-maker for the shampoo companies is the instruction line (if followed) that says Massage thoroughly through the hair, rinse and REPEAT.

    • ginabarlean@gmail.com says:

      I know! Some kids just express themselves that way, even when parents are doing their level best. That’s why I always want to chat with the child. “Baby! You got it good! Don’t worry, be happy!” 😉
      Exactly about the repeat with the shampooing. It’s just those silly things that make me laugh and shake my head.

  5. “You are fed, clothed, tucked into bed at night, given toys, and played with.”—At least we hope they are. Of course, the softie cynic I am, I’m always worried there’s something more behind those tears, and I want to go over, scoop them up, and comfort them.

    Horrible about the pet thing. Can’t even let my mind go there.

    As for that last one, I couldn’t agree more. Why, oh why, must there be so many choices? I just want a tube of toothpaste. I don’t need an entire aisles of selections. Just separate them by brand, put the required fluoride in, and let me buy in ease and peace.

    There. Now I’ve ranted, too. 🙂

    • ginabarlean@gmail.com says:

      Oh yes. I could do an entire novel about parents not parenting right, but I’m looking on the bright side today. Kids cry. They just do. And often, for silly reasons. I just smile when I think about how good they have it. They can’t communicate properly yet, that’s all.
      IF I wanted to cuss out a segment of the parent population at Walmart or wherever, it would be a much longer rant and there would be no wondering if I was being sarcastic or scolding!

  6. Mary says:

    Hahaha! Love it! When I used to work in retail, I used to think it was perfect birth control. I didn’t want to get married or think of kids because they seemed like little terrors- mostly because their parents let them run around, cry and tear up my store! It’s been a few years and I’m still bitter! :/
    As far as shampoo, the simpler the better haha. I used to go nuts looking for something trendy and paying a fortune on chemicals to make my hair gorgeous. Those marketing people are genius! Now, I use natural stuff with less ingredients and truthfully, my hair has never looked or felt better.
    And I’m not gonna say much about idiot warnings, but in a society that needs to make selfie zones or has people that use the terms “bae” and “ratchet” I’m not really surprised anymore.
    Sorry for the long rant on your rant post.

  7. Darrell says:

    FYI, the USPS used to handle hundreds of baby chicks that were sent through the mail to farm families. Honestly, I thought they still offered that service.

  8. Ha ha! I love it. What I notice at Walmart are a lot of grumpy parents who seem to scream back at their kids. So uncool! I don’t blame the kids for crying when they have parents like that. But I do agree that most kids don’t know how good they have it. I would love someone to feed me all day and put me down for several naps a day. Heaven!

    (Pssst…I don’t have a clue what the ingredients in shampoos are either. But they must make a difference, because hotel shampoos are awful. My hair is crazy after I shampoo with those. Maybe they’re missing the Biotin or collagen or what-have-you)

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